WWE Embarrasses Me By Announcing There's Gonna Be A Pay Per View Called "Great Balls Of Fire" On My Birthday

C’mon man, you can’t do this to me. As a wrestling fan, I’m embarrassed that someone associated with the WWE suggested “Great Balls of Fire” as the name for a show. I’m then embarrassed that it made it’s way up the command chain. I’m then embarrassed that somebody designed this logo:

I’m REALLY embarrassed that someone saw this logo, with the name and all, and decided, “Yep. That’s it!” I’m finally embarrassed that this pay per view takes place on July 9th, which is my birthday. MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Last year on July 9th I got UFC 200, and Jon Jones, that slimey fuck, he tried to ruin it by popping the USADA test for dick pills, taking himself out of the main event. This year Vince McMahon is trying to ruin it by putting on a show called GREAT BALLS OF FIRE on a day that I will for sure be with friends and family who aren’t used to watching wrestling. To pile on, it’s gonna be Brock Lesnar’s first title defense which will cause more interest than usual, effectively making me explain my way out of this one way more often. God fucking dammit, Vince. Why do you do this to me?